In school, I had a friend - R.

My father got transferred suddenly and so in the summer vacation, we had to leave the place and so we could meet anyone hardly.

I completed my school, college and professional education.
Many years passed away.
One day, R called me on my mobile phone and talked with pouring emotions to hear my voice.

I could not understand the gravity of his emotions then.

After some days, a long letter , written on many pages, was received to my address.

I started reading it and it was R's letter to me, mentioning all the emotions since I left the place and him.

He was so emotional in letter more than my blood relatives.

One day, I called him to my place, which was 500 kilometers from his place.

Still he came to meet me.

He brought a dress for me as per his capability.

His mother sent food made by herself for me.

He also brought few murtis and gatha books to set in devghar for worship.

When I met him in actual I understood that he had managed the bus fare somehow to just meet me.

I used to go to my office and he used to just clean my room, and arrange everything properly.

We visited many places on holidays.

I was bearing all the expenses and it was almost a week he came.

I was getting irritated with him and wanted him to leave the place.

I could not understand at that time that he was so poor that he was just passing the time with me.

His home condition was so pity that he and his brother were not finding any job.

One day, while visiting a place I tortured him like anything with my words indirectly.

I wanted to hurt him badly so that he will leave the place now.

At that night, he wept like a girl in front of me and told why I offended him so much ?

After left the place one or two days past, I realized poor financial condition makes a person become so disgraceful even aginst his will.

On one side, we feel pity for other poor in society, and here I was getting chance to serve one close person, but then I hesitated to do that duty fully.


Will tell you one shameful incident here. Yes shameful !
While in college, we used to order daily meal 2 times a day.
Tiffin used to be delivered by person from mess service.
One day he got very late that everyone got so hungry and waiting for him like anything.
He got so late that he delivered tiffins of our junior also at our room and requested us to please co-operate for today.
We called our juniors and conveyed the message and told them to come over the place to get lunch.
They arrived and the tiffins were combined and so had to be shared.
I was just studying for a subject and one junior just opened a tiffin which was to be shared with me.
He was unaware of the things and hungry same time.
I informed him that the tiffin was to be shared and so please eat accordingly as I was going to have it later.
He replied me in very rude manner that it was none of his business.
I got so annoyed and angry that I shouted and insulted in very harsh and bad words.
I also threatened him to slap him there.
Everyone including his classmates and my classmates fade that it became very tensed moment.
He didn't reply me anything on that.
But just eating just one or two bites and suddenly got up and left the place and food without eating.
I thought it will be just normal anger.
But when my other juniors told me that he cried and wept very much after reaching his room and couldn't be consoled.
I was so nonsense person at that time to tackle that situation like his senior.
They should have learnt from me something instead of seeing such rude behavior example from their senior.
Such a shame on me !!!

Offer, Hand, Handful Of, Help, Respect, Awe, Attention


From school days, one thing specifically and dominantly can not be erased from my mind.
I was in 9th standard and final exams in summer were started.
I was very timid boy in school.
I got easily bullied many times and used to be very afraid to defend who hurt me then.
The good thing was I was very bright student in academics and so because of that only teachers and other students who were weaker in studies, respected me !
I clearly remember that it was paper of History subject.
As it was summer hot day(in India especially), we were told to drink good amount water while leaving for exam.
I usually did that.
In the middle of the exam, I got immense urge for micturation as a result of over drinking of water.
But any way, I could have easily sought permission from supervisor and got relaxed.
I was scared to teacher to ask him to go out.
I was feeling ashamed to ask in front of other students though it was absolutely natural
I had to think of the questions still remained to answered.
Yes - now you got how much I was thinking of other people around me.
And what happened then is something still embarrasses me:
While thinking about everything around, my urine got released unknowingly !
It released with such a flow that I totally lost control over my organs and let it flow completely.
The urine was sprinkling on other students sitting at my front and back benches.
After this dramatic and weird thing happened:
  • Students around my bench sat distant
  • Teacher still asked me to go out and be fresh in washroom
  • While I came back, everyone stared at me - still remember
  • Peon of school spread sand on the wet floor area
  • Teacher inquired me if I am suffering form any health issue
  • Next day, my classmates were asking me why that happened. But due to the tough exam paper on that day they were already tensed so ignored that topic
  • I somehow hid this incident from my family but one of my neighbor boy in same school, told my parents !
  • I faced my parents for this and they were irritated on me
There are many such incidents in my life:
Boy, Child, Sad, Alone, Sit, Sitting On Jacket, Forest


While I was in college for studying engineering, I lived with my classmates in rented room.

From my childhood I got a habit of judging the people.

Sometimes I judged them from appearance, how they talk, did they get style, are they rich, and many factors.

Yes, I was extremely judgmental.

If someone disagreed with me I would hate him so much that I would consider him my enemy !

While in college I hurt many times to my friends.

I used to cross their points just to satisfy my anger towards them in any way.

I just wanted to prove them inferior.

Once we were discussing about job placements in other colleges and my friend P casually put a point that X college is very good in placements.
But I disagreed.

Then he told me some facts about his favorite college.

On that, I opposed him so strongly and shouting voice that he got so hurt and annoyed so much.

He declared in very offended manner that he will never talk with me again.

I was very much embarrassed and ashamed in front of them.

I should have taken it casually and let that matter go as it was not going to benefit anyone anyway ! 

I could have done that if I had this learning from life in past.

Guy, Man, People, Dark, Shadow, Hands, Sad, Crying


You will read about my ridiculous behavioral scenes.

During school days, I used to visit my maternal aunties-uncles' places in another towns.

They were so welcoming to me that I never ever felt I was out of my home treating me like own parents.

I used to live there for a month or more continuously without hesitation and they also would treat me like their son.

But I was so irritating with my thoughts that I would do below psycho things at their house:
  • Spread the talcum powder on floor just to waste
  • Unnecessarily waste the bath soap while taking bath by doing extra usage
  • Throw toys or their parts of toys of my cousins to hurt them
  • Try to show them inferior by showing off my academics talent so that my aunts/uncles will scold them
  • Intentionally read books or pretend to study in vacation to make aunt/uncle scold my cousins
  • Indirectly insulting their thoughts or their way of living 
  • And many such irritating things

Once my younger cousin asked me directly in front of my aunt that why I threw their toys parts.

I was so embarrassed that my aunt scolded my cousin to stop making me ashamed !

Even today I feel same embarrassment !

Even today my all aunts and uncles treat me the same way even after knowing 'actual me' from my childhood, and that is the greatness of them.


We unknowingly offend our parents very painfully. I still feel guilty for this incidence in my life.

I had just passed engineering exam. So I was on cloud 9 and feeling overconfident and proud.

I was thinking that I had become smarter than my parents as I could become more educated than them !

Yes - you can call me by any stupid name as you want for this big big ridiculous thing towards my parents.

Then I was thinking my parents don't know anything now and I will decide and teach them how to live life.

One day, a discussion started between us and Pappa advised as well as recommended me to pursue MBA.

But due to ego of recent achievement, I told him some non-sense about MBA just to prove him incorrect and me superior.

I replied him that I am going to pursue CDAC course and become IT Engineer.

He again advised me that once career starts we become lazy to take further education.

And below was my reply to him, filled with peak of ego, overconfidence and disgust !!!

"Are you advising me MBA to save your money of CDAC course fees ?"

That time I did not understood how much I hurt him though he was doing everything for me with an unselfish manner.

After so many years now, I can not hold my tears remebering this. Never Ever Do It.


You are going to read a guilty incident of my life.

In CORONA pandemic, I am living with my family now a days - me, my wife, a small kid and my younger sister.

I am jobless and so badly managing with money.

My sister is actually physically disabled because of a medical condition during her pregnancy and delivery, and lost her child.

She almost lost control over right side of her body, starting from head to feet, her hand barely moves and walks with dragging feet.

She also does not have fluent talk capability like a normal human.

She needs everyday medicine so that other out of control indications are not seen.

In all, her life suddenly got dependent on us, and moreover her husband also filed a divorce case against her !

I do not think anybody might have seen so many sadness in one life within the age of 30 !

We are witnessing it in front of our eyes - can not express the pain we get while we see her everyday in that condition.

She usually remains quite and looks other small children from window, playing in garden.

Now, in this COVID 19 situation, while I became panic if food resources and money will be available or not.

I literally started telling my sister that she should not eat like usual.

To be honest, I was considering her a burden on me.

I literally wanted her to be out of my house, this was my feeling.



One day, my mother called me on phone and told me to  bring a medicine for her whenever possible. 

As my sister did not want to face me for more expenses because of her.

And next day, my sister brought her Debit Card to me ! And asked me use the money as I might be in need of.

I felt so guilty and embarrassed, and threw all inhuman thoughts from my mind that.

I started considering her a human again and it was the situation which is why she is living with us.

No-one would like to live within favor of anyone.


Today's incident is a discussion with my father and his advice, and the final result.

I was badly having crush on a co-actor girl in acting work. She was from different cast but same religion.

The girl was from a very high class family, with mesmerizing beauty and with all physical appearances like perfect height for girl, sweet voice, fair skin, long, dense and silky hair - I liked everything about her.

Most importantly she used to trust on me like anything.

She used to come alone with me for movie, used to invite me at her house even though no-one at her home - this was the trust of her on me, and so can not be judgmental about her thoughts.

Let me clarify - nothing happened between us - I never allowed it to happen to keep the trust unbroken.

Also I was afraid that she will say NO to me.

I told this everything to my parents, and they were concerned about her upper class status and different caste though they were not in complete oppose if it happens.

One day, me and my Pappa were travelling in train back from Mumbai.

That topic got triggered.

Pappa was very sensitive while talking on it with me considering my emotions attached with her.

He advised me to avoid proposing her for marriage.

He gave only one reason that if she rejects me then in future you both may not posses the same status of relationship, even friendship !

I still proposed her on phone and considering me a highly sensitive and emotional person, she explained me gently why that relationship is very much different that our close friendship. 

'That night' I still remember when she and me talked last time - and it has been more than 6 yrs I never get back to her.

Nothing more to say. You got how to tackle life situation like this.


Many times I have created embarrassing situations for myself and people around me.

Here is one incident, even today I think I was so stupid:

Me and my college friends were living in a rented room for studying. 

There was a festival called 'KOJAGIRI' and we decided to celebrate it. 

To brief about the festival - India celebrates it by making a hot and thick milk drink with lots of other complimentary tasting ingredients like cashew, almonds, sugar, cardamom, and as per everyone's taste.

As we were living away from home, we brought few cups of ready milk drink to celebrate.

We decided to share it equally both in quantity and expense.

We started enjoying the drink, and as it was limited everyone his own share.

Same time we were having fun gossips and chatting.

Somehow as a habit I finished my last share early by my other friend (named P) was enjoying slowly.

I totally forgot that I have finished consuming my part, but that last part I poured in my glass and started drinking.

Another friend got it and he just chose to keep mum but I got his changed expressions.

I became curious and realized the idiotic thing I just did !!!

Pathetic, embarrassing, I say to myself !!

But P was so open minded that he just casually asked me to finish it with a FRIENDLY smile.

I should have kept my mind calm that time.


Today I will tell you that I never understood the importance of future security.

Which are:
  • Financial security
  • Work-life balance security
  • Basic securities - Expenditures on old aged parents, bright future of kid, to live a good life for at least self.

Nothing crossed my mind that something must be earned for all this.

I was just taking it for granted that everything will happen at its own without doing much.

The main reason of my casual approach was that my parents earned considerably more than enough wealth for me.

So somewhere mentally I became relaxed instead of thinking of my own that how I should contribute to it so as to grow the wealth !

Sometimes, I was even making fun of my parents that they should spend enough money for themselves, instead of saving - and on today's date I understood how wrong I was then !

All who are going to start their life, please please take all above things into account - your life will be heaven.

Depression Q-Have you ever thought about killing yourself? What helped you to come out of these negative thoughts?

Yes - many times in the past.

I would think that there is not a single good thing in me because of which I deserve to live on this earth.

So I used to think of giving up finally !

But I also used to think that the problems will never vanish and I will still be not satisfied. Giving up on life will be just like closing your eyes in front of challenges of life.

I had many ambitions and many plans on which I was working but you will not believe the MANY, yes MANY crisis I went though, and let me tell you every time it ruined all my preparations to almost achieve my goals, currently it is CORONA.

but still I am alive and waiting for that one TIME when all my efforts and suffering will turn into something good, because a life can not be so bad every time I strongly believe.

Do not waste your life - keep on moving - there are things which makes us live in real sense.

Depression Q - I have a toxic work environment and I wanted to quit before covid, but now I am not happy with my job. Should I still consider quitting in this economic crisis for my better mental health?

All these things don’t matter if COVID is there or not, if you are not happy anytime !

If you can survive with minimum luxuries and do something that actually interests you and excites you, then just go for it.

It’s never too late to start anything new !

The income may be less at the start but you will be happy by doing such job or business.

A day will come when you will be expert in it and you will be respected among your parents, relatives, friends, and you will surely inspire others for such things to do in life.

Do not waste your life by doing unhappy things.

Depression Q- I desperately don’t want a life anymore. I can’t take the stress and pain anymore. What should I do?

Yeah…it happens and so do not feel it being unusual.

Coming to main point is - even if your life is over still the problem of your life will not end. They will still be there.

Anyone who knows you will not feel proud of you even after your life ends!

You have a only one chance to make others inspired and that is when you are alive !

I am more than 100% sure that your life can also be inspiring at which people can look upto.

The only thing you need to do is ‘Find that thing in your life that interests and excites you’

Nothing can make you unhappy if you are happy from what you are doing !

Keep on doing such things and a day will come when your expertise will be respected by everyone , like your parents, friends, relatives, and all around you.

You just have to work on your interests till that phase of life !

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