Have an affair with yourself

Have you ever wooed yourself? It may take you to places you didn’t know existed… within you

First things first. Romancing yourself is not to be confused with self-love. While the two may overlap each other in terms of definition, the art of wooing yourself goes beyond pampering yourself. To woo yourself is to fall in love with yourself. It’s an idea. As absurd as it may sound, till you’ve romanced yourself, it’ll be difficult to know how it can change your perspective towards yourself, and life.

Here’s the thing. When you woo yourself, you aren’t glowing because of a visit to a spa; you are glowing because you decided to go on a date with yourself. You decided on your way back from work — as the rain finally touched the parched earth — that you’d walk in the garden. Or, that you’d wear that red dress you had relegated to a corner in the wardrobe because your heart desires the temptation and the magnetism of red today...

Life coach Jai Madaan tells us how we can woo ourselves. “Speak to yourself. Hear your own voice, and listen to your own voice. You’ll feel more connected with your soul.” Madaan believes one of the most important part of romancing yourself is to be your natural self within closed doors. Don’t be a wife, a mother, a father, a lover, a son, a daughter… just yourself. “Practise loving yourself… the more you increase the dosage of love, the easier you will find it to be at peace and love others around you,” she adds.


Having a wild affair with yourself is all about showing yourself a lot of kindness in a harsh world. When we

are surrounded with criticism, we should find ways to compliment ourselves every day.

Says dancer Navina Jafa, “Every day, you should celebrate yourself as if you are having a wild affair with – you. I celebrate myself by wearing boho/gypsy jewellery. I nurture my body with love. Every morning, I decorate my body – be it with a double-nose pin or Naga coin necklace. I love wearing ghungroos. I often dance for myself. Having an affair with yourself is not waiting for anyone else to endorse you. There’s no yearning between the yang-yin energies. You have self-empowered yourself.”

Human beings are programmed to have bouts of selfloathing, and for many of us, these phases of doubt or hatred can be our whole lives.

Or, till it’s too late. Therefore, it’s essential to create rituals of self-love every day. And you need to start now. Spiritual healer Ranjini Woodhouse says, “Write notes of selfappreciation to yourself.

Say positive, inspirational words to empower, motivate and uplift yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror every morning. Say ‘I love myself and I love everything about my body. I love every part of me. I am beautiful on the inside and out’.”

Actor Suzanne Bernert says it’s essential not to confuse having an affair with yourself with narcissism. “One must understand that an affair with yourself applies to ones — and there are a lot out there — who have trouble loving themselves the way they are.” Bernert also feels that the idea of wooing oneself comes to us as we get older and are mature enough to understand our own needs better. Mostly, we get to understand ourselves, in hindsight, and possibly understand that we should have treated ourselves far better, long ago. She adds, “As I get older, I’m kinder to myself and more accepting. I surprise myself with good food, coffee indulgences. I make sure I look at nothing as a task – I just create loving rituals for myself.”


Life coach Cynthia Belmer says, “When we fall in love with ourselves, we let go of blame, shame, and anger. We invite ownership, creation, and power into our lives. We feel, hear, and believe, in our power. It doesn’t matter what others think or say about us; what matters is how we feel about ourselves. We feel at peace. We allow ourselves to show up in the world and live our purpose. We don’t need to prove ourselves to others – because we know that we’re enough. We are no longer ruled by fear. We let go of competition, comparing ourselves to others. We become enough.”


I express my love and romance through dance and my own poetic ways. Ek suroor (nasha) hai to be in love with yourself. To be wildly having an affair with yourself is also not easy. Love cannot ever happen without work. I keep finding ways to compliment myself. I surprise myself every now and then Rani Khanum, classical dancer


If you cannot find ways to love yourself, no one else will. Women always put themselves second, and that’s how everyone sees us too. Falling in love with yourself changes this perspective – it’s about upgrading your own skills, taking care of your emotional and psychological well-being.” Nawaz Modi Singhania, fitness expert


Open your heart and mind

Learn something new daily

Be kind to yourself

Don’t control outcomes

Learn from everything and everyone

Move and meditate

Breathe right

Buy yourself some flowers

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